just allycia.

another thing i am PSYCHED about for this being my last year- i’ll be HEALTHY. consistant eating habits, routine workout schedule… lose all the weight that i put back on in the past year ha.

I WANT A HALF SLEEVE.

can’t wait till this summerrrr aweorgha lkjgadjfgajfga.

had a meeting tonight with the Pillar people, about a possible house opening up for us to all move into.

i stillllll can’t believe i only have 7 more schools. seven. that’s it. 

there’s been a lot of baggage stuff that God has been showing me lately that i still haven’t fully let go of. which for me to think about, is really kinda frustrating. it’s those things that’s like “man, i thought i already finished dealing with that”, onlyyyy to find out NOPE. not this part, this part, orrrrr this part. so lame…
so anyways, it’s like… not necessarily things that i’m unwilling to deal with. it’s just… the root goes straight back to my dad, big surprise there. just this…desire? to feel wanted? ugh and i hate it… but i totally see how it goes straight back to my dad, with him never being around or a part of my life and it always feeling like he didn’t want anything to do with me, and part of that has transferred straight into today, with other people.

so not a fun thing to deal with.

spring is like right here. spring with early morning coffees and my Bible and journal and chirping birds and warm sunshine. i love this changing of the seasons. when everything that feels dead starts to come back to life. i love catherine deveau’s house in the spring. i love my parents house in the spring. i love salem in general in the spring. 

my life is so close to stepping into such a huge change, and i can’t wait for it. i know i’m not there yet, and there’s still things that i have to deal with before i get there… but i am so excited regardless. my heart feels so alive this time of year. one of the teachers at the school we were just at asked if i have ever looked into the seasonal depression thing… i said no, but i have to admit, something along those lines would kinda make a lot of sense haha.

it has been so long since i’ve been on here, and in comparison to how often i USED to write on here, it’s just amazing haha. i went forever without this. it does kinda make me a little proud of myself that i was able to go that long…

anyways. this is my last year. it’s really weird to think about, and i still have so many days where it feels too good to be true… my last year. not that what i’m doing is awful or anything, but looking at it as: i get my time back, i will eventually get my health back, i’ll get my friendships back, SALEM back, so many things. God knows my heart soooo well. as difficult as it is to say goodbye to all the kids i’ve built all these relationships with… i’m still so happy to move into the next phase of my life.

my heart just flew to las vegas for the next two months- rest of the summer. i know it’s what was best, and that both of us will grow so much from it… but my heart aches so bad, knowing it will be two months before i’m able to see him, and knowing that just plain talking to him will be difficult…

asighqiwuegt KHJGKAJHERLGA .uaiygrahb abf adf badf.

my heart hurts. it aches.